self love

Meeting my Idol & Unexpected Revelations

I stood in a vast venue, with a tiny stage and not your average yoga vibe. Still, I was the picture of zen. After an hour and a half class instructed in person by my favorite Youtube human I felt like I was made out of pure bliss, and nothing else. Every word she said had driven home, every unique series of poses and movement lifted my heart and dropped me in to the perfect present moment. With my yoga mat leaning heavily in my hand, I stared around the room waiting for her to come out and the long line of fans to begin meeting the woman we had all come to love in our very own living rooms.


My mom and I at the Yoga with Adriene New Jersey class.

She came out with a hop, skip, and a jump. A vibrant model of energy she began hugging, talking to, and taking a picture with each person in line. Her energy never dimmed, her genuine smiles never faltered. Every interaction looked warm, loving, and true. Without a doubt it was. I came up to the end of the line scrambling my brain for the perfect words to utter quickly to this woman, explaining what she had given me. She greeted me with a “come into the light!” ushering me forward into the better lighting for the picture. I had seen her do this with many others. With a sincere interest she asked me and my mom for our names, we posed with her for a picture, and then with a last hug we were off and I realized I had no way. There was no way to say all the gratitude that was excitedly humming in me. I quickly stuttered a last sentence, she smiled and said keep in touch, sister! Of course, there isn’t really any way for me to keep in touch. She has two million followers.

Before I go any further, let me explain that this woman in no way is carrying around a giant ego. With so many people avidly following her she doesn’t say things like she’s grateful for us, she says she is grateful for the community. Because with so many people following she took that and encouraged these people to connect to one another. She never shows any insane amount of arrogance, in fact she flippantly maintains a very humble attitude. She has literally two million people following her and in the multiple years I have been watching her videos and reading her community emails and seeing her replies, she has consistently been down to earth, real, and putting others before herself.


Now here I am, walking away from finally seeing her in person, blazing with bliss from the class and feeling..empty. Yes, in my wild imagination I thought that she would somehow recognize me from the years of following her. Or maybe we would just have had a more unique connection. I know, it was ridiculous, but it was there. I sat in my moms truck in juxtapose. After an hour and a half of building appreciation for the present moment I was being eddied with disappointment for a magical moment missed.

That was when the truly exciting thing happened. I watched my mind unfold, and as it opened it held a clear, perfect realization. For years I have followed this woman, been built up by her kind words, seen her more than I have my own friends, felt an absolute connection to her. As real as she had kept herself though, nothing is more real than being with someone face to face. I realized I didn’t know her, had never had lunch with her, had never had a complete conversation. I know that is obvious, but when someone says the kindest things you’ve heard all the time, those simple facts fade. Suddenly it was hitting me that while Adriene had helped me through some serious shiza in my life, not one ounce of it was actually real. Her love for the community, for all of the people who follow her is one hundred percent real. Her kindness, generosity, and words were real. I know she means it when she says we are all worthy. But that connection I had imagined was not.

Other connections are. My connection to yoga, to my friends, to the present moment. These are real. Like a brick it hit me, I already have all of these things that I had stored into the idea of one woman. I have my own self love, my own gratitude, my own practice. I have friends who are absolutely as real and unique and exceptional as Adriene is to her friends. I am an Adriene to my friends. Not to say that I have two million followers and can teach the whole world yoga, but I can bring love and joy to my friends lives, to the exact same extent that she did to mine. All of these things exist, right here, in this moment and they are intensely real.


Only genuine warmth and kindness from this amazing lady. 

A screen can show us something, the speakers can tell us things, and we can convince ourselves that it is enough, that it is real. It isn’t. Real is the person standing in front of you. Real is your actions in this moment. Real is music live and art that you can press your nose up against. Real is a cat you can pet and a friend you can hug. Real is right there.

Yes, I’m writing this to you on a screen and sharing it on a screen. Yes, music on our computers is great and finding new art online amazing. I absolutely appreciate every Youtube video of hers I watched, and every kind thought she had shared on there. Everything in moderation, even eye opening realizations. Except, how much time are we wasting here? On Facebook, Youtube, Instagram. How much time are we living in imaginary worlds?

Life is waiting for you, if you haven’t already (and I hope you have) close this screen. Walk away. Don’t leave me a comment or like. Find me, talk to me, scream to me how you feel. I, personally, am opting for more real.


Amore, amore!

It’s 2016! We’ve all had the last month to get high off the new year, new me motivation. I hope you spent it well! If you’re anything like me, you mostly made plans to kick ass. That’s okay though, because now it’s February. February is the real ass-kickin’ month. Why, you ask? Because February is all about the LOVE!


Some of you may be groaning with that “don’t get all mushy on me” vibe. You might want to just swallow that vomit back down and get on this love train, because it is going to be great.

When I say February is the month of love, I need to clarify one thing. I’m not saying Valentine’s day is around the corner and because you might be alone you should start forcefully improving. Oh, hell no! I’m talking about getting down with all the love. Self love, family love, friends love, pet love, food love, and all the other great loves we, well, love! Valentine’s day is a great excuse to celebrate all these things. Since we’re making excuses, we might as well make Valentine’s day the excuse to celebrate it all month!

You may be thinking, okay clearly Cara has lost it. Love has nothing to do with motivation. To that I say pish posh, my friend! Haven’t you ever been in love? Being in love inspires and motivates you to do crazy things. I mean why do I do the dishes? Because I love my mom, and I know it makes her happy. Why do I go running sometimes? Take one look at my excited pup and you’ll figure out why. Why don’t I just say screw it and call out of work? Because I love the people I work with, and that would make their days suck. Think about it, find your gem of life. Then acknowledge just how much it inspires you to do.

At one point I wrote an article about intrinsic motivation, and how important it is to follow your own path, work on the things you’re passionate about. Oddly enough I didn’t even realize that all that really meant is, do what you love. If you do what you love, you’re going to be more inspired to keep doing it. End result? Love equals motivation.

My first step for this Love month is FIND YOUR LOVE. Get on those dating websites and hunt that perfect person down! Just kidding! What I’m talking about is better than a desperate Valentine’s date. It’s a date with yourself. It’s you, some hot chocolate (or coffee!), a comfy seat, and a pen and paper. Time to write out those feelings. I know it’s cheesy but I promise, it works. The only rule? Be honest and open with yourself. Give yourself some time to figure out what exactly is your favorite thing in life. What is the most important thing to you? Get down with your bad self and find that Love. It doesn’t have to be something concrete, it doesn’t have to make you money, and it doesn’t have to be sentimental either.

Your love is yours, it can be anything. Any idea, any rule, any person. It can be a noun, verb, or pronoun! It doesn’t matter. You can write one hundred loves, or maybe just one. You can write an essay about your love or just a single word. As long as it feels true to you.

Find it, acknowledge it, and sit with it. For now, just figuring out what you really are passionate about is enough. I know, this is some pretty heavy, vomit inducing, mushiness but just try it. I promise, I won’t tell anyone.

If at first you don’t Succeed ask yourself – Why?

What makes the difference between those of us who will procrastinate until we can’t function and the people who tackle obstacles for fun? Were they born with some super gene that keeps them going? Do they have access to some illegal energy drink that we don’t?

This guy's trying to figure it out too.

This guy’s trying to figure it out too.

I can’t vouch for the entire population but there is one factor that psychologists have pin pointed. A difference between the go getters and do-it-laterers. Why we are motivated. Why do you want to go to the gym? What is the point in eating healthy? Why are you waking up early? Are you doing these things to avoid something? To gain something? Then you are being extrinsically motivated. Extrinsic motivation is carrots and sticks, rewards and punishments. It is an outside force motivating you. Those super powered beings? They are generated by intrinsic motivation, the desire to do something because they want to. It is motivation generated from the motivatee. Here’s an example; why am I writing this article? Am I writing it because I want to be a famous blogger or am I writing it because I enjoy it? If I’m writing it to be famous that’s an extrinsic motivator. Because extrinsic motivators can be intangible, like receiving praise or recognition, or avoiding shame. If I’m writing it because I enjoy it then I’m intrinsically motivated.

Now a lot of us have been convinced that rewards and punishments are always the way to motivate someone but this is not true. Extrinsic motivation can sometimes help but really once you put a price on something it loses that inner reward. Once you lose that inner reward well, no bribe or threat can really replace it. Intrinsic motivation gives us that push that even money can’t. Now after I learned about extrinsic and intrinsic motivation I kind of started to freak out. Everything I did was extrinsically motivated. I tried to read certain books to seem smarter. I went to the gym because I didn’t want to get fat. I worked my job because that’s just what grown-ups do. Everything I did was done because that’s what grown-ups do.

Then it dawned on me. Screw being a societal grown up. Screw doing anything because that’s “what you’re supposed to do”. I’d rather talk about magic than politics. Running around playing tag is always more fun than on a treadmill. Working a million jobs to avoid working one job I hate is worth it. I don’t care if I look like a responsible adult. Everything I did was extrinsically motivated because I had taken all of my intrinsic motivation and shut it down. My little spark was dying. My spark of curiosity and challenge, of passion and awe. I had allowed other people and outside ideas to determine what I should do. When I couldn’t force myself into that image, I felt inadequate. The thing is, I was never inadequate, I just had to actually be me.

When you’re trying to motivate yourself to do something, stop. Ask yourself; why am I doing this? Is this something I want? Do I enjoy this? Are these actions reaching towards a goal I made? Take the time to listen to your brain, instead of always stuffing it with more nonsense. Put down the so under ground it’s cool interest. Walk away from the images of what other people have told you to be. Find your little spark, and then make it a fire. Delve into the things you love and you will find yourself burning up with motivation. Keep that childlike wonder in everything you do. Turn to the challenges that you want to win. Chase after the things you are passionate about. Curiosity will take you farther than any candy bar could.

Whether your spark reaches for fantasy books, ultimate frisbee, knitting, or even world domination just go with it. And tell me about it! I would love to hear about your crazy dreams or geeky interests. I would especially love to hear how you feel about this post so let me know!