life

Moments of Doubt

doubtful robot

I feel like this robot gets down on the self doubt feels. 

There are thoughts that plague me with every step of my direction. Thoughts and real life problems and small statements people make that completely skewer my perspective. Often enough I find myself bogged with doubt. I doubt my path, I doubt whether I’m doing it the right way, I doubt if this is worth the problems I’ve made doing it. So many reasons to give up, the one reason I started to change pales next to them. To live fully, to chase after my dreams while I can. What is that in comparison to money? In comparison to comfort, approval, pride?

I feel as if I’m three months after a break up from an unhappy relationship. I ended it in a state of clarity and euphoria, breaking the chains that were holding me down, certain there was better things out there. Now here I am, alone, with not too much to show for it, thinking about how nice that security was before.

That’s life, though, isn’t it? Uncertainty, doubts, moments where you’re shaken up so hard you can’t focus on the goal ahead. I know that to live the life I want I have to actually do it. There is no “here’s your dream life” card that someone can give me and I can pass all this other nonsense. I know that I have to come back to it, again and again. Still, it is a struggle. I’m not even sure if it gets easier.

I’m writing this because motivation doesn’t always come to you in beautiful, blatant displays of fireworks. Right now I am digging out the trenches and preparing for a long battle. To survive I will have to acknowledge every step of ground I gain, I will have to maintain focus on the greater goal, I will have to carry myself through even when I’ve lost all my weapons and reinforcements aren’t coming. It sounds awful right now, when I’m feeling a little hopeless and just want someone to fix it.

Still, I have the grit to do this. I’m holding on desperately. Even when I lose it, even when I think about running back to that unhappy relationship, I come back to my senses before that “drunk call”. I come here, I write. I make my to do lists. I accomplish one small goal. I let go of the negative. I cultivate positive thoughts.

If you are feeling down trodden, exhausted, or doubtful, I understand. I’m there. You can do this though. You already have everything you need to attain your goals. Whatever you are going after it, it’s already yours. That capability already exists within you, whether you believe it or not. It has to, because if it wasn’t already existing in you, then you wouldn’t be where you are today. You wouldn’t be taking the small or large steps towards a better future. You wouldn’t be questioning the life you have.

My boyfriend and I like to go mountain biking and since he’s quite a bit faster than me, there have been moments where I’ve lost him in the woods. I come to an intersection and become panicked and worried I’m going to get completely lost. Obviously, once I find him I burst out with all this anger and frustration and the ride is ruined. Until one time as I was riding, I’d passed an intersection and I still hadn’t seen him, I started to feel the fear bubbling up inside of me. The doubt started to creep in, the anxiety and anger following close on it’s tail. When suddenly that thought became obviously ridiculous to me. I was afraid that I would be lost, but where was I even going? I was just looking to ride my bike and have a good time. It didn’t matter if I knew where I was on a map, I was riding right in that moment. It was already happening. Isn’t that how it is with everything else?

path

I wish I took this beautiful picture, but it’s just an example of a trepidatious path. 

 

And if it’s all already there, if it’s all already happening, then I guess there isn’t any need for all of this doubt, is there? I’m already exactly where I need to be.

 

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The Tools we Work with: Conaghan Style

The tools we use to motivate ourselves are not always individual. After sharing my own, I wanted to share others. I set out to talk to some of my motivated friends and see what carried them where they are. That’s how I found myself talking to Dan Conaghan, a personal trainer managing his own business.

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Dan Conaghan on his instagram, in action.

 

Our conversation took place in Dan’s domain, the gym. In a space where I often freeze like a deer in headlights, overwhelmed by my own insecurities, Dan’s confidence is able to make me feel comfortable. It is almost like having a chat over coffee, except it’s weights, and he will make you pick them up. In between the ringing of weights hitting the floor, guiding me through a set of dead lifts, and working on his own, Dan tells me how he came to be where he is.

The tattooed gentleman, who is usually in gym shorts, started off as an elementary teacher. Life has a strange way of putting you on an unexpected path, and Dan found himself laid off  due to brutal budget cuts. From unemployment he ended up tree cutting. As his life had settled with a routine at work he had also been building his routine in the gym. And as he stood in the gym one day, a light bulb began to flicker above his head. He was watching trainers at their job, people who were able to spend all day in a place he loved, the gym. It flickered a little brighter. He was watching trainers helping people learn how to work out. They worked in a gym, and they taught people. And the switch clicked. Trainers were people who worked at a place he loved, doing something he absolutely loved, teaching. With that realization he knew exactly what he wanted.

danpole

I feel like it is a little obvious that this man enjoys the gym. 

As always there were people who doubted, and Dan often heard the question “but when are you going to get a real job?” With their doubt he pushed farther, determined to prove them wrong. He passed his test. He became a personal trainer, and he didn’t stop there. In life there are moments when you have to take a leap of faith. Conaghan was training people at four in the morning, working for nine hours, training clients in the evening, and then passing out. He was pouring every ounce of himself into living a financially acceptable life while chasing after his goals. Except there is always a point when you have to let go of everything and dive right into what you want. Dan quit his job at the tree cutting business. Life did not catch him. Not right away at least. Dan struggled financially. He knew that he needed to work for himself and not a company. There he met one of the hardest years of his life. Discovering that renting a space was astronomically priced, he couldn’t move forward. Still, he persevered. A year after hitting his wall, he came back to it again and climbed over it. This time Dan found the opportunity he had been waiting for. Someone desperate to get a gym off of her hands, and Dan more than willing to take it.

It’s two years later, and Dan is the proud manager of his personal training business. He is able to price people at rates that are more comfortable for his clients, while still being able to live. With his personal momentum he continues to move forward, working to make fitness and healthier life styles more accessible to everyone. All the while still pushing himself mentally and physically to greater lengths.

danandjamie

Dan’s also lucky enough to have a motivating and badass girlfriend. She is insanely strong and I highly suggest you check her out here! It is inspiring as hell.

 

One of Dan’s beliefs in life is related to my last post Making Excellence Routine, and it was great to see that simple but powerful idea in someone successful. His way of saying it, a gym man through and through, if you want something you have to put in the reps. Reps, for those of you who are not gym savvy are repetitions of a set of exercises. “You want to write a book? Put in your reps. Do it consistently. It’s not about getting it done in one fell swoop.” He said the words and I couldn’t agree more. Dan has been a personal trainer for six years and his own boss for two. It took him years before he was able to achieve his goals. Years of consistently working towards more. From becoming certified, to learning how to sell himself, to taking the leap to make it on his own he had to put in the reps to build the life he wanted.

Our conversation inspired me with the idea that life really is not just taking a leap of faith. It isn’t a movie or a book. Life is more like carefully managing crevasses, climbing rock walls, jumping off a cliff, and then hiking to the next. Seeing someone who like myself had to struggle to find their own way, then work for what he has now with temerity, and who continues to find new ways to grow reminded me that there are no epic accomplishments ended with a curtain closing. There is only taking on as much of the journey as we can and pushing ourselves to be greater because it’s what we’re made for.

danscreenshot

Not only is it motivating to see how much someone else can crush it physically, it’s great to see that mental perseverance as well. 

What is his secret to keep moving forward? Along with other brilliant habits, Dan introduced me to what I think will be my new favorite.

For maintaining daily motivation, Dan has a strong belief that lead to a great daily ritual. He believes that to achieve greatness, you should surround yourself with greatness. An adage many of us have heard, but Dan has his own interpretation. You do not necessarily need to surround yourself with great people, but great conversation. For Dan this means listening to his favorite podcast, allowing him to become inspired. Just getting a chance to discuss motivation and listening to someone talk about finding their passion was motivating. I have to agree with Dan, surround yourself with greatness.

 

I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Dan Conaghans life. If you did please feel free to check him out at his Instagram thefitferret_azoth! He is incredibly motivating and knowledgeable in fitness. Thank you Dan, for taking the time to have this conversation! It was a blast to write about.

 

 

 

Ten (really)  Small Things to Get to It

I always see these motivational posts about ways to get motivated. Some one telling me that making a vision board and stretching in the morning will really help. I know they’re right, of course. The trick is when you are completely black hole unmotivated, you don’t want to make the vision board. And if I could get up to stretch in the morning I would already feel better than 50% of my peers. So while all of those fun little things to do are nice, they aren’t really helpful when staring down your own baleful depression. 

Instead I need the tiniest of reminders. The things I can do when I’m feeling desperate. I need the really small things to get to it, with no expectation of getting to it right now. After spending a day or two thinking about it, and testing them out, I came up with this list. I hope it helps you, if like me, the poster for that vision board is still staring at you blankly. 

One: Watch your thoughts. Happiness and motivation are not things that we get. They are things we bring to our lives every day. You have to carry them in, with your own voice, in your own head. We always have a murmur of thoughts babbling around, so consistently we don’t even stop to pay attention to it. Stop. Listen to it. Find out what you’re thinking when you aren’t paying attention. You’ll be surprised. You might find a lot of “I’m not really great at that” or “why am I always stupid” and other self deprecating phrases. Even simple thoughts will bully your personal mojo down. Watch that babble. Take things out that don’t need to be there, put things in that do. Spending two minutes lying around thinking kind thoughts is going to do you a lot better than spending any time with the negative ones. 

Two: Be honest with yourself. I know the old work myself out of that productive thing trick. How else would I be able to convince myself to skip the yoga and sleep in again? I know yoga makes me feel amazing. I know that I have a genuinely better day if I start off with it. I’m not even making this up. So why are there still mornings where I am wide awake, laying in my bed, hitting the god damn snooze button? Because I am a crafty liar. The alarm goes off. I roll over. I stare at that beautifully alluring snooze button created by the devil himself. And then I begin to lie. Well, you know, I think to myself, you got to sleep pretty late last night. 10:30? That’s not a full 8 hours. You really do need that extra half an hour. Or, I’ll do it right after work. I know I will. And so on, and so on. I come up with all sorts of stories to avoid hitting my feet on the ground for another thirty minutes. But if I stop lying, if I say, own up to it Cara, you know you should get the hell out of bed. You know if you go back to sleep you’ll feel groggy. Well, even if I do go back to sleep, when I feel like crap I know why. Maybe my brain slowly starts to associate sleeping in with crappy feelings. And maybe getting up to do yoga starts to look really good again.

Three: Log off of social media. Trust me, I know it isn’t easy. I know on days when you are feeling down that all you want to do is curl up and stare at Facebook or Instagram, blankly allowing nonsense information to enter your brain. It is my personal favorite past time. The trick is, it will suck you in for three hours and at the end of it you’ll still feel horrible, if not worse. Just close out of it. Just hit the back button, x, main screen button, whatever button you have to. Just click it and do everything in your will power to not click back in. Those notifications don’t matter, they’ll be there in the morning. Just move your brain on for a bit.

Four: Get inspired. Sometimes this step is a good one to go to right after you log off social media. On the days when the blue screen and depression have too much of a hold on my mind I can at least follow this step, and the motivation gears start moving a little. For me it’s as simple as logging off Facebook and on to Instagram. My instagram is filled with beautiful places, cute animals, and beautiful art and poetry. After about ten minutes of staring at that I can remind myself that THAT can be my life, and I maybe even get off my tablet. Other options are going on to WordPress and reading inspiring blogs, googling something you’ve always wondered about but never looked in to, looking up the history of someone you look up to and seeing how they accomplished their goals. Even things as simple as looking up your horoscope. Just get your brain back to thinking, to processing something useful.

Five: Hate what you do, as much as you can. This is not usually how I roll. I’m much more into the silver lining and all that. Only the reality is that some days there is no silver lining, or at least none you can see. If that’s the case, if you just can’t stop walking around cursing every thing in your life, then go with it. Take it to the extreme. Hate the way your boss talks to you. Hate the commute to your job. Hate the way your body looks. Hate the way you  feel. Hate that stupid plant that your cousin got you and you some how managed to kill. Hate it, get angry about it, as angry as you can. Then push that rage into something productive. That’s the hard part, but you can do it if you get angry enough. All emotions are important and useful. Rage has a lot of energy in it, it makes some serious heat. With enough heat you’ll get a fire, and that fire can start burning down apatheticville.

Six: Talk to someone about your plans. Pick someone you love, or maybe a stranger you don’t care ab0ut, whatever is easy for you. Then, go! Tell them how you have this plan to start removing dairy from your diet, or talk about how amazing you feel when you paint. Post a status, mention it at work, text your mom. Tell someone because excitement is contagious and having some one excited for you is powerful. If someone doesn’t get excited, move on to the next person. Or, tap into a little rage and get to thinking about how you can prove to them you’re a rock star. Just say the words. Talking about your plans, putting your intentions out there, can absolutely help to manifest them. 

Seven: Take responsibility for your own life. This is an important step and one we can all forget too easily. When life has us down it is sometimes simpler to think that the Heavens are having fun kicking you around. The reality is that outside forces can only help you so much, the rest is up to you. When you feel exhausted at work, did you unplug an hour before bed? When you have that killer headache, did you drink water? When you feel alone and unloved, have you reached out to anyone lately? The reality is that you know what you need to do, and maybe sometimes it is hard to do it, but that doesn’t mean you can start thinking the world has it out for you. Take responsibility, know that you’ve been doing a little of this to yourself. Now you can recognize that you can change it. It’s your life.

Eight: Ask your support system for advice. Good or bad, it’ll get you thinking. Maybe you’ve hit a wall in your writing, or you really don’t know how you’ll build that tiny house. Talk to someone about it. The internet isn’t the only wealth of information around you. So are your friends and family, who hopefully have the best intentions for you. Ask them what they think you should do. If their answers don’t ring true to your plans, then you can cross that off the list of options. It will get you back to thinking about what you need to do. And with enough bad advice, you might find you had the answer all along. Nevermind that a fresh perspective never hurts, and suddenly, you can be thinking outside of the box that you so quickly locked yourself in. Reach out to someone intelligent or who has the best intentions for you. You’re not alone in this Life thing. 

Nine: Remember why you even want to life. This is something I myself struggle with, a LOT. Not that I’m always thinking about ending my life. Just that sometimes you get swept up with the pay the bills, go to work, sleep, pay the bills cycle. It’s easy to forget what you’re passionate about, the things that make you happy. Then it’s easy to forget about dreams, and dreams can wither away and die if we don’t keep an eye on them. Instead of re watching The Walking Dead focus on your here and now. Remember what you wanted to be when you grow up. Think about the things you love, make them tangible. Giving that dream a little sunshine goes a long way. 

Ten: Don’t second guess yourself! Just that. Don’t second guess those instincts, those dreams, those fears, those passions. A wise woman once told me, in a yoga video (Adriene Mishler to be specific), the Universe has your back. You are a part of the Universe. You have your back. Stop thinking you can’t do this, you already are. 

Like I said, ten really small things. You might think they’re too simple. But from someone who hasn’t posted on this page in months, I promise, it really helps. Either way, share your thoughts with me! I would love to know what gets you motivated.