The Unending Internal Struggle.

   Motivation. Give me a reason to get out of bed and I’ll give you a hundred I shouldn’t. The most important – I don’t want to. Tell me how good it is for me to be active, give me all the cliches you can. I’ll pretty simply shut you down with – I don’t want to. I’ll verse off the positive affects to myself but it always ends with – I DON’T WANT TO. 

   How do I shut that off? What energy drink, healthy eating habits, exercise, motivational memes, uppity song will get me to move? Give me your secret oh wise ones of the world who GET STUFF DONE. Please. I really am starting to smell bad. 

   But they don’t have any. The reality is, it’s me. My choice, my voice. I have to find my own motivation. So this is for me and all the other motivational bingers. All of us who will have two days, maybe two weeks, of working out, eating well, paying our bills. And then letting it all landslide back into our original mess. This is for the procrastinators, couch potatoes, not-enough-money-ers. It’s a discovery into myself to be the better person i’ve been day dreaming of becoming. I know we can’t all be perfect, but I can at least be happy with myself. 

   In here I plan to be completely honest. With myself and you. I’ll admit my mistakes, acknowledge my achievements, face the excuses we all make for ourselves. Hopefully by the end of this I’ll walk away a stronger individual. A girl grown into a woman – who can really handle her own. If not, well I guess I’ll have to seek out my own success all over again. But I won’t lie, if I can’t do this, it will be much harder to face myself in the mirror. All I hope is I find my own beauty, find my own strengths, and exude them so hard that, maybe, you can’t help but to find your own too. 

  So. How do I show you I’m in the makings of becoming better? Firstly, I’m going to publish this blog. It has taken me quite literally a year to work up the courage to make a blog. Then it took me a month to write this post. And at my own satisfied completion it will still take me days to show it to my boyfriend, friend, or mom for editing. Who knows how long it will take me to actually SHARE it on my facebook where YOU will see it. I’ll go on facebook and pump myself full of inspirational memes until I can’t stop shouting “You can do it!” “Every journey starts with the first step!” “It doesn’t matter how long it takes as long as you don’t stop!” And suddenly I’ll vomt this up. 

  Seriously, that doesn’t work. I think it’ll be more along the lines of someone close to me yelling at me until I do it. Making my first piece of motivational findings: find someone to yell at you until you stop sulking in your self pity. On that note, I’m going to call my mom. 



  1. Have you thought about getting a coach/personal trainer? I think everyone could benefit from one. Someone that immediately cares about all of your progress every step of the way, and demands nothing less :p
    Also, while we’re demanding, I demand that video of you being happy! 😀


    1. I have one, I like to call her mom. Lol. In all seriousness though (my mom isn’t really THAT involved) my theory is who cares more about me than me?

      And I hope that video was successfully happy enough. Lol.


  2. I am extremely honored that I can be the first to comment on this exquisite peice of writing. I think we all find ourselves searching for that great motivation that trusts us through the fear or laziness into action. My thought on it is that we must find the fine line between contentment with of lives and desire to do more.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Everything you do in life is based on the Pain – Pleasure concept.
    Why do you lay in bed when you know you should go work out? Because the Pleasure of being comfortable in bed is greater than the Pain of doing a work out.
    Ah, but then you gain weight and feel bad about yourself, that is an even greater Pain. The Pain of working out then outweighs the Pleasure of sleeping in and you get up and work out for a week or so. Then you feel the Pleasure of starting to get fit and of losing weight. But then you start to forget the old Pain of gaining weight and you start to remember the Pleasure of relaxing in bed again. And the cycle starts all over.
    EVERYTHING in EVERYONE’S life is measured the same way. Pain versus Pleasure. It’s really that simple.
    Why do people go to work? Most everyone dislikes it. But the Pain of being hungry and homeless is greater than the Pleasure of playing video games so, you get up and go to work and earn money which helps pay for the things that bring you Pleasure.
    The key is being able to see the Pleasure in the difficult, Painful things like exercise that in the end bring more Pleasure than Pain.
    People who jump out of bed every morning and hit the gym aren’t better than you. They aren’t superwomen with built in get-up and work-out genes. They have simply found that the Pain of being out of shape outweighs the Pain of doing the work out and that the Pleasure from being fit is more Pleasurable than laying in bed.
    That is all motivation is; finding the greater Pleasure in things and ignoring the Pain.
    But remember, No Pain, No Gain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think my idea of motivation and yours are the same. This blog is more meant to maintain that focus. It is an area for me to work on the physical pains (working out) and the emotional pains (fear of doing something different).

      Those people who get up and accomplish their goals are better than me. That doesn’t mean I don’t have the potential to be as good or better. But the reality is I don’t like being a well wisher. I want to find a way to attain my own dreams.

      If this blog only becomes a complilation of Pleasure over Pain moments that is okay with me. I just want to put a voice to my weaknesses and overcome them head on.


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